Lets try Love... again !!!

It was silence screaming.

For god sake, she was making the bed and arranging the pillows. It felt as if after asking me the final question of KBC for a Crore “Why two lovers will sleep separately?”, Amitabh Bachchan is going to sleep.

“But”… I asked like a butt.

“Go to sleep” the last blow, she covered her face and turned to the other side.

“I think you just said…”

“waww waww” came something from inside…

“What?”

Removing her blanket in anger she roared “I know what I said and I remember it very clearly”

“Now what is your problem you loser”

You loser sounded familiar. A word that was the only thing common in all my relationships other than "Fuck You", "you Asshole" and "I don’t want to be with you".

Coming back to the conversation…

“What is wrong if I said that?”

“Is it too bad for you to act as my lover?”

“Do you have any problem if people will stare at us and say that this lucky asshole has some meat in his mouth”.

“Is there any problem if Sonam will be jealous of me for having a mature boyfriend who I’ll be humping every night and who she thinks looks like Hritik from left”?

“Will you be upset on the fact that sonam’s boyfriend will think that we have a hell lot of fun inside this locked door”?

“Do you think it will be too much for you to act as my lover so that I can face the world at 28 with my virginity”?

She sobbed on the last one.

No more doubts for now. But this was the latest chapter of my life.

I thought to myself - this Life screws us all…

Here in front of me stands this girl who was a lady Einstein from grade I till she read books. She topped all exams and even teachers used to clear their doubts when she started. I used to think during my loneliness sessions of self-relaxations that ever in her life she thought about S-E-X. “No” was the truth, but “Yes” was the reality. The Society and the Pressure of being in it made her think of her loneliness in this world.

“You need to show-off, that’s what they want”…

I was back to the Powai Lake with these words of her.

“Otherwise they will discuss it over all the weekend sessions; friends will give advices on mingling and playing it smooth”

I was listening like a kid to the grand ma’s story only with a change that my grand ma never talked about sex with me.

“I am happy as a 28 yr old who hasn’t tried even a single position of that book of the losers that teach fucking as an Art”

You guessed it right; Kamasutra was the book she was referring to.

“When you Fuck, you just Fuck with the only motive of Fucking with sooner or later realizing that what you are doing is just Fucking.”

And that was what the two VIRGINS were discussing at midnight of a stormy night in their lives.

“Do you think it is necessary?”

Well now that was the only embarrassment left.

“Well if you say so?”

“Do you feel any difference each time you bed your girl?”

I gulped “Lets Sleep”

“No you tell me…”

“I am A VIRGIN… too” I shouted… inside my fucking brains

“Can I have some water” changed the topic

“No, you cannot”

“And that fucking whore tells me to feel what you do and then your man will be yours, who herself is sleeping beside a 5 foot nothing who starts snoring in between their so called steamy sessions”

Now I needed water really…

But that made me realize that Sonam’s Boyfriend was really 5 feet. They together look like that the other 6 Dwarfs of snow white have gone fishing. He has a pathetic hairstyle like a pomerian dog.

Coming back to the Conversation

“They are fake as any modern Romeo and Juliet. Now we find Love over an Orkut Scrap or a Yahoo Chat Room.”

“Would you like to sleep outside on the sofa”

Not now, after this eye opening conversation.

Before I was able to say…“But, if you were in a relationship, would you sleep outside on a sofa with your Girl inside and still claim you are lovers in front of this world of snakes and vultures who judge you on the basis of your Jockey that pops out when you bend and not your Armani that you wear to hide your inner self”

That reminded me of a conclusion I once reached after my break up. Every time we start a relationship without thinking about its life span. Every second is wasted on starting a relationship because we “like” someone and when its started, efforts goes on dragging it because we realize we just “like” someone. Till the very end, which by the way, is not that far, we just believe this “Like” is what we call “Love”.

One of my friends always asks me to find a girl for him to love and I always recite this for him…

“Love is not as artificial as a Fountain which will grab your attention and sprinkle a few drops at every beautiful street corner; it’s like Rain, which will wet you heavily at the most unexpected corner in your Life.”

but remember thunder and light comes along with Rain and Love...

“Number of Orgasms makes your Love Authentic, not the Number of Gifts in this modern game of Love lost Lust.”

… I managed to not skip my heartbeat.

“That’s what we girls are supposed to do if we need to have our man stick to us”

Up goes the cover and she turned on the other side.

“Is there some water in the fridge?”

What is her Story?

What is going on between Sonam and her Boyfriend?

Am I not the only loser in this world?

I am hungry for more, are you?

Watch closely for the next Chapter

I am a born bachelor and that’s the only hereditary gift I remember I got from my dad and mom. My dad became a bachelor the second time in 1995 after an adventurous divorce and since then he never got married. Its not that he was still hung on to my Mom, he just avoided further pain in ass. He often said jokingly to me, “Your mom took 5 days to say yes to the marriage proposal and 5 years to say yes to divorce. Though I begged, pleaded, starved, shouted, fought for the latter one, those 5 days of waiting for the yes were the most miserable”. I know it was not a joke, he knew it too but I heard it every night as a joke. I recently heard that my mom got divorced again a month ago making my father the first among the dirty dozen. No, she is not yet close to the world record. That makes me think there are people hungrier than her for love in this world. I pity them and more than them, I pity the by-products like me, born out of the curiosity to find true love resulting in ‘damn, just missed’.

Coming back to me, I have always been a ‘pest-control machine’ for the bug called Love Bug. From childhood itself I tried to learn all the intricacies of true love, and to my good luck the only source of reference I had was my mom and dad. To me, it was the perfect true love. Mom and dad used to play catch-catch with mom throwing kitchen utensils, when dad would come late and ask for dinner. Dad used to sleep out on the sofa, giving all the bed space to my tired mom after the game. Did I mention ‘good luck’??? I thought I learned everything about true love because that was the only quest – if ever I indulge myself in any kind of love, it will be nothing less than “true love”. I now think anything worth love would have been appreciated.

Coming back to me, I grew up in very unusual circumstances, thanks to my Mom and Dad. You know mom and dad had one thing in common – they both care about me a lot. That is why there was a fight over me at the time of divorce as to who will keep me. Dad wanted Mom to keep me and Mom wanted me to stay with Dad. Dad said to me that he loves Mom and does not want her to ruin her life, so its better I stay with her. Mom reasoned that even after paying all the damages to her, he is still rich, “stay with him and get a future for both of you, he needs you to overcome this”. I noted this in my green book titled “path to true love” because I believed, even if one of them was saying it truly from heart, true love exists.

Coming back to me, I recently moved to Mumbai in search of 3 things which were very crucial to me at that stage (read “age”) of my life - Money, Love and Sex… yes at 32 I was… you know … umm unhampered. My quest for True Love was over by now, that’s why it was just Love I was looking for, any kind of, any size of, any shape of (this one is a little debatable). I also made it very clear in my mind to keep Love and Sex separate in my to-do-List, reason being my friends at every stage of my life. I was a regular guy with a regular production of hormonal ingredients. My crushes from childhood too were based on Baywatch and Silk Stockings. The first girl I remember ever talking to for a long time was from the B.Sc. Hons. Batch 2002, Roll No. 36 living in GK II, Navy Colony. I don’t remember the Flat No. exactly…
and the name,
because I never knew that.
But once we talked for long when in the long dark congested corridor of the College her shoulder rubbed my shoulder and she stopped,
For me
and said “am Sorry”…
And that is when it all started. I was breathless for almost 4 hours standing at the very point with her. No I think she was gone, in fact everyone was gone.
And I said “its alright”.
The longest time ever with a girl, 4 hours…
She is married to Pappu, my best friend no. 4. I told Pappu about her and asked him to enquire about her. He returned after 7 Months with the invitation card. But he kept his promise and gave me all her information.
They both stay “happily ever after” types in Karol Bagh, D.N. Road, behind Mega Mall…
I do not remember the Flat No.again.
But my friends were a century ahead of me.
This was the last time any of my friend betrayed me.
Before that incident I can remember about this girl Guddi. As the name would suggest She was nice, sweet and cute. I along with Sajjan, my best friend no. 2 used to stare her studying on her terrace. Sajjan told me that she was very hardworking and topper of the class. We used to make plans to talk to her. Sajjan advised me to work on my confidence part before I talk to her, as I have this inherent tendency of ruining things especially when it comes to girls. By the time I was all worked up and roaring to blurt out my feelings outside her house, sajjan was rolling the rubber out of his love pole inside.
Guddi still remains the cutest girlfriend I ever had and Sajjan lied about her being the topper of the class but he was ready to swear on the other quality.
I owe my friend for all these incidents that taught me – true love needs good Luck, true Sex just needs good practice.

Coming back to me, I started staying with my girlfriend, a friend who was a girl, by chance. Actually she was my neighbour in Delhi and a certain level of comfort developed between us, no strings attached. I was never attracted to her because she was a geek. Falling in love for her was like falling that should follow the Law of Gravitation. But she was very well developed from every aspect (that a guy looks for) for her age. I remember her telling me how her mom would scold her for running too much while playing basketball with guys. But she would never listen to her, as she was happy for her always winning team and she being the highest pointer, for the obvious reason. I met her at the airport after 7 years. She informed me beforehand that she had changed a lot, but it was easy for me to spot her. Perfectly sculpted figure with well-developed assets totally covered from neck to toe with the heaviest clothes and glasses. Those glasses were gifted to her by her daddu, which was gifted to him by his daddu. Now I don’t think you need the description of the glasses. She was Marlyn Monroe in a nun’s dress for me from the very childhood when we used to play ‘Lets see who’s got what’.

She hugged me the moment I came close to her.
Tightly…
“You feel grown up” came out instantly…
“What ???”
I was not able to listen that, but I assume she would have said that. I was lost in what I just felt. You know it was just like Braille for a blind. I was not able to see but of course I felt … the alphabets and those wonderful gifts of god took me to the visual power point slideshow of all the models of the magazine that was in my hand baggage.
She was so shorter than me that I had to bend to talk to her, but all the way to the apartment I was talking to them. She is quiet grown up, really…

Coming back to me, I was not comfortable staying at her apartment but that was the only option as I was self-employed with no earning. For the last 2 years I was filing tax returns of Rs. 21. This year my CA demanded Rs. 2500 to file that Rs.21. I am still negotiating. Arushi stayed with her friend Sonam, who stayed with her boyfriend. Arushi introduced me as a very ‘close’ friend, saying which they both started giggling in that irritating girl types and blinking. I don’t know why she did that, but I understood that the word ‘close’ earned me the apartment, as Sonam was reluctant with some Tom, Dick or Harry invading their privacy, especially Dicks. She hated me; I could feel it. After the overdoze of “nice to meet you” session where I can see everyone faking the “oh you are the best man I have ever met” look; everyone just vanished, leaving me in the hall. For a minute it was all silence of the lambs. Just then ArushI’s door opened and she dragged me in and informed me that I am staying with her. I mean “with her” in her room, in her bed. No, not the Bed part. I was shown the lavish glass window which has the clear view of Powai Lake and balcony full of greens. Just beside that I can have my bed rolled. In next 5 minutes I was instructed how it will be, from waking up at 5:30 and hopping on the bed when she will be exercising, thats exactly when Sonam comes in to join her for exercising. Now why is that?
“because if she will see us sleeping separately, she can raise a question”
now what sort of question would that be?, is this guy a Gay? – I was getting curious.
“why two lovers will sleep separately?” was it…
- What ?